My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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