I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
