i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
