I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
