@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize