It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
