ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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