He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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