Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
