I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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