so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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