I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
