It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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