More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my sisters under your porch take her home
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
