she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
