I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
