I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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