I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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