Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
