Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
