Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
