Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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