the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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