What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
NoShamevember. You game?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
