i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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