Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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