tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I won the penis lottery.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
