There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
