btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
