his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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