i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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