Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
