I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
