I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
