I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
