so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
