You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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