You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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