just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
