your thong is hanging out like whoa
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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