Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
