you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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