now i know why i became what i already was.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
