why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
