The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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