Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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