Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
