I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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