my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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