This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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