just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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