dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
