Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
