Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
