Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
